The Buddha said,

Just as a man shudders with horror when he steps upon a serpent, but laughs when he looks down and sees that it is only  a rope, so I discovered one day that what I was calling "I" cannot be found, and all fear and anxiety vanished with my mistake.  (from Buddhism Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen)

Tonite, I was out in the yard of my sister's new rental home ( I am taking care of the cats).  I was doing my Create Your Desires (CYD) exercise step 2 which calls for mindfulness.  In the corner of my eye, I saw a figure quickly come across.  My first thought was her cats were out, but quickly realized not so.  Then I thought it was a neighbor's cat.  I at first was nervous but then became excited with anticipation to see what type of cat it was.  I could see through the glass table the figure was coming close.  Low and behold it was a SKUNK coming up to me.  Since I was expecting a cat, I was thinking what a beautiful black and white eeekkk.  It really was beatiful and curled up like a halloween 'yoga pose' cat.  I jumped up with fear.  In the back of my mind, I was calm.  As I jumped up and my knees hit the table, the skunk jumped up as well.  Funny.  I was thinking "don't squirt me"!  I got to the sliding glass door and the figure skurried across the lawn to the left and along the fence and out of sight on the right side of the house.  Obviously she was as freaked out as I was.  I wonder why he didn't squirt me.

Back track 1 week when I woke up in a daze and stumbled out the front door (I sleep in the front room of my parent's house) to the right and in front of the house towards the side door where there is a bathroom.  I had been smelling skunk spray periodically during the summer and wondered if they lived on the property or the smell just drifts from the neighborhood nooks and crannies.  Anyway, in my confusion, I looked at the plants and noticed a figure.  It looked uneven.  I immediately thought skunk due to the white stripe along the black body seems to cause a layer look to it.  I began to run towards the side door and the outdoor light was activated.  As I was really picking up speed, I thought I might run into the car parked next to the side of the house and then noticed the figure: a layered boulder.  I had seen this same boulder over and over through much of my adult life.  I was freaked out and then realized I was seeing and imagining things.  Just like the Buddha said.

Now, I wonder if I can have the same reaction he had about discovering what he was calling "I" and vanishing along with his anxiety and fear.  I find it interesting about how a part of me was calm when I did actually see the skunk.  This has to be one of my all time fears: having a skunk approach and squirt me.  It almost happened at Vasona Lake a couple months ago.  I heard some restling near the creek and a skunk appeared and began to turn around and raise its tail.  I guess now all I have to fear is actually getting squirted since I have been approached.  It brings up in me what I call "Boogey Man" fear.

Doing some processing on my involvement. Integrated the game into my Creating My Desires activity. I think it fits in the second to last step of trusting the universe. I picked "A Matter of Time" card. Stay Calm, Be cool. It is only a matter of time. Go back or forward 20 years. Backwards seems right, 20 years ago, I was 22, just graduated from UCLA and was about to head to Taiwan.

I get nervous just thinking about it. Pretty wild for me to leave home to a foreign country. When I returned a year later, someone told me they didn't know how I could do such a thing. I think there is something to that. I didn't know how frightened I was.

My intention was around evolving, involvement in the project. I also tied it into my 3 goals of my CYD exercise. I forgot about that part. Relationship, income and how to live my life as a professional and person. I had confidence around my ability to succeed/graduate from school. I haven't found that kind of confidence in work. Recently, I have been trying to get back to that place and how work doesn't have to be different from school. That there can be a system in work just like there is in school to graduate, so to speak.

I challenged this stay calm card. I have been patient. I hope to know when. Not just the x game but my goals. I picked the one way sign, which I am pointing left. It reminded me of my recent detour card and also the one way street near my high school that I drove up (backwards) once.

My relate card was enlightenment. That is how I will reach my goals, if I stay in the present over and over.

I recently wondered about this game, whether people will buy it, the price point, motivation to buy, etc. I also wondered about it as a therapeutic tool. I don't know yet if it is great. It is good. One thing about the law of attraction that is an issue for me is I don't hear much about dealing with negative feelings, emotions, sensations, etc. People stay in the positive, which is great, but negative stuff does come up. That is why I like CYD exercise since it deals with that. Sit with the emotions, don't push them away or feed them. Does this game deal with that. So far, I don't see it.

People buy a lot of tools but don't end up using them. That is why the game still can't be the focus. It has to be the being part. People like to solve their own problems, and rightfully so. One should do as much as their own healing and work as possible with going to helpers when necessary. It is that desire to heal that is so crucial.

Over the past couple of days, I have had some doubts about being involved too much with out any pay and how I would be involved. Yes, there are things I will be getting, but not stuff I necessarily want or hope to get. Thus, we might be at a standstill. There is a fine line of putting something into something, energy wise but not getting something in return, potentially causing bitterness and loss of other opportunities.

I have had some benefits. I have gained a game, a way to communicate with others. I have done some research the past week which has led to some nice findings: early rising techniques and strategies around moving backwards to solve problems.

Moving backwards doesn't have to litterally mean moving from the end result or objective all the way back to the beginning. It could be focusing on some activities in the middle, e.g. in sales, on trainer said to focus on 3 things while working backwards:

- The average length of your sales cycle
- The average size of a sale
- The number of meetings (appointments if you will) during that sales cycle to close the sale

I am getting ready to develop the Creating Your Desires course. I am excited about it since it won't be as complicated as I thought and have some ideas that can make it an evening 1 session course or a 7-10 week course. Also, I am hoping to develop a Teaching and Living in China course that could be a 1 session evening course.

Also, I am looking to add a project so anyone who knows of a business that is looking for assistance achieving a goal(s) that they just set or have had trouble reaching, please pass my name along.